perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
