I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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