she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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