I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
