Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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