pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
