i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
