I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
