I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
