That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
