There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
