he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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