3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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