fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
