I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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