I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
