so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
