I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
