Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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