I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
