do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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