You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
