R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
