How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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