I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
