why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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