That's intense
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
