If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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