its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
