hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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