my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
