Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
