I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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