Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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