New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
