sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
