He asked to "fluff my boner.."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
