He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
