a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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