i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
