apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
