I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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