Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
