So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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