Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
