return my video game
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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