I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
