she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
