2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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