6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
