just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
