Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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