i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
